Never split the difference - Book notes

Negotiating tactics:

• Mirror
  • Literally repeat what someone says with a question. Then pause and let the person elaborate.
• Label
  • It seems like you are not happy with the current situation. Then pause and let the person elaborate.
• Silence
  • Let the person elaborate.
• Voice tones:
  • Deep CALM late night voice: use it to make direct points and don't hesitate. Don't leave room for the other person to fight the point because it is not a question.
    • I'm in, he is out.
  • Friendly voice with a smile: default voice for everything but points
  • Angry or aggressive voice: never use it.
• Trying to get person to say "that's right", not "you are right".
  • Never argue. Calm deep voice.
  • Effective pauses: silence to encourage the other party to keep talking.
  • Minimal encouragements: Say "aha", "ok", "yes" to acknowledge that you are listening.
  • Mirroring: Repeat what the other person said.
  • Labelling: Name feelings.
    • It all seems so tragically unfair
    • I can now see why you sound so angry
  • Paraphrase: Repeat what the person just said in your own words.
    • This shows that you are really paying attention and not just repeating the words.
  • Summarise:
    • Paraphrase + Labelling = Summary
    • Repeat what the other person said in your own words and label the feelings and emotions.
    • Really actively listen and summarise everything.
    • When someone is faced with a good summary, the only possible answer is "that's right".

Bend their reality:

• Find the black swan piece of information.
• Don't compromise.
  • Meeting half way often leads to bad deals from both sides.
• Create a deadline.
  • Approaching deadlines often force people to compromise and take decisions that are against their best interest.
• The F bomb, the word "Fair" is an emotional word used to force someone into a compromise and gain concessions
  • When someone says "that's fair" to you, ask them "Could you explain how am I mistreating you?"
• When making an offer, anchor the emotions by first mentioning an extreme example of how bad it will be.
  • Examples:
    • This is going to be terrible, you are not going to like it.
    • You really will not like this...
    • I'm sorry father, for I have sinned...
  • The real offer will then seem much more reasonable.
• People are more afraid of losing than winning.
  • Make sure the counterpart know what they will lose if they take no action.

Negotiating numbers:

• Set extreme number to make actual offer reasonable
• Give exact numbers, not finished in 0.
  • 127k-143k, instead of 110k
  • Exact numbers look less flexible and make it look like you made some calculations
• Give ranges, being the lower end of the range your expected rate.
  • They will probably choose the lower end of the range, but they will feel great because they saved from the higher end of the range.
• Ask for non monetary compensations:
  • What does the person have that would be valuable to me but cheap to them?
  • Examples:
    • 1 extra week of holidays
    • Relocation package
    • Company car
    • Courses
    • Remote work
• Define success and metrics during negotiation
  • Free for your boss.
  • Planned salary raise when you meet the target
  • "What does it take to be successful here?"
    • He will give a detail explanation. It will spark he's interest in your success. You gain an unofficial mentor.
    • Your boss will have a stake on you.
    • Sell yourself and your success to your boss, as a way for them to validate their own intelligence and success within the company.